- Kroger at 6 p.m. on a Monday in a college town is a lot like the Hunger Games right after the cannon goes off. Don’t be wandering in between me and the Cornucopia. The odds will never be in your favor.
- I’m older and have more insurance. If you don’t recognize that reference, go read “Fried Green Tomatoes.” TOWANDA!!!!
- If you haven’t heard “Bye, Felicia!” it’s time to rent the movie “Friday.” Or ask a teenage girl.
- I went to therapy today so fools, whiners, jokers, and malcontents are forewarned.
OK, so there I was in the Kroger parking lot at 6 p.m. on a Monday night. Three hungry kids at home and not a can of soup in the cupboard. I was crack-a-lackin’ because we were lackin’ crackers. I had made three circuits of the parking lot in search of a spot–no luck.
I turn right up an aisle and spy an empty spot on the left side. At the same time, a little red car turns down the aisle from the other end. We both stop at the open spot then she drives on past. I figured I had won the showdown at the KRO Corral.
Just as I start turning left into the parking space, I see the red car backing up straight at me.
She hits the brakes then honks.
I’m halfway into the parking space but stop because I don’t want to clip her. Both of us have our windows down.
She sticks her head out the window and wails, “I was BACKING IN!”
I stick my head out my window and say, “Honey, it looks to me like you drove past an empty space and I took it.”
“You weren’t signaling.”
“I WAS BACKING IN!!”
I inched my car a little farther into the spot, thinking about Kathy Bates in “Fried Green Tomatoes” when she crushes a teeny car belonging to a couple of smart-mouthed young girls.
She huffed, “That is so RUDE!”
Rude? Maybe. I call it more of a difference of opinion.
I flapped my hand in her general direction and said, “I’ve got things to DO. Bye, Felicia!”
Sometimes? On a Monday? When I’ve spent most of my day (week, month, life) making sure everyone else gets everything they need? When it’s 6 p.m. and I’m burning daylight and gas trolling the Kroger lot instead of being at home with my kids?
Times like that, I don’t mind being a jerk.