Fartbuster’s Red Hot

Back in the day, Fartbuster went through a vegetarian phase.  It didn’t really work out the way he had planned it.  As one of our coworkers put it, “Don’t get me wrong, but you’re the BIGGEST vegetarian I’ve ever seen.”  Basically, we just replaced meat that we had been eating with an equivalent portion of cheese and gained a bunch of weight.  But this was back when he was being all Zen so I guess he didn’t mind looking like the Buddha.

That year on Christmas Day, we went to Pop and Grandmama Irene’s house for breakfast–homemade biscuits with blackberry jelly, scrambled eggs, chow chow, and red link sausages from that little gas station up the highway in Brooks.  Deeeee lish.

We’re all fixing our plates and filling coffee cups and passing bowls around.  Grandmama looks over Fartbuster’s plate of eggs and biscuits and says, “There’s plenty of sausages.  Get some.”  She holds the bowl out to him.  He tells her “No, thanks” and keeps on eating.

A couple of minutes later, she says, “I’ve got more on the stove, go on and have some sausage if you want.”  He got kind of nervous at all the attention and stammered, “Oh, I’m OK, I’m fine.”  Grandmama Irene pops my grandfather on the arm and says, “Dick!  Pass him the sausages!”  But Pop had his hearing aids on the “holiday” setting.  Off.

Finally, my mom cuts in and say, “Mama!  He doesn’t EAT sausage!  He’s a vegetarian.”

Grandmama throws her hands up in the air and huffs, “Well why didn’t anybody tell me?  I could have made HAM.”

Beef question mark

14 thoughts on “Fartbuster’s Red Hot

  1. Donna Murphy

    I kinda love Grandmama Irene and her breakfast of the Gods. Reminds me of the scene in Big Fat Greek Wedding when Toula learns Ian is a vegetarian, “that’s okay, I make lamb”.

  2. Michelle

    That reminds me of the scene in “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” when Toula tells one of her relatives that Ian is a vegetarian. The relative looks perplexed and replies with something to the effect of, “Okay, I make lamb then!”

  3. Tara

    Love this story because I love laughing. Thanks for the giggle. I have a feeling this one will carry on around here for a while. Love your Grandmama too. And the “holiday setting,” that is awesome. I think my children have a “Mama” setting for their hearing. 🙂

      1. Tara

        Ah, yes, Absorbed. That is a nice reframe for what mine do. Thank you. 🙂 I love that Vivi loves to read too. And Aub wants us to redo our little under the stair closet. Maybe…..

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