My girlfriends and I spent this rainy weekend in the mountains talking trash and drinking wine while someone else took care of our responsibilities. That is my little black and twisted heart’s definition of HEAVEN. At one point in the revelry, we were talking about nature, camping and orienteering and I mentioned wanting to know my constellations. Just saying the word “constellation” brought back a story from college that made me snort a little pinot right up into my sinuses. On a side note, that is really good for clearing out the pollen!
In my sophomore year, I dated a darling Southern gentleman. He was a mature and worldly 24 yr old. To me, he was an ADULT. He owned a house, had a job that required a tie and wingtips, played golf and could buy beer whenever he felt like it without giggling. Grown up stuff. One Sunday afternoon, I was hanging out at his house–STUDYING, ahem–when three of his friends dropped by to watch a basketball game. I wandered off to the bedroom to read my book so they could have some Testosterone Time. Luckily, I left the door cracked.
During a commercial break, one of the guys picked up a GQ Magazine and flipped to the quiz: “How Much Of a Ladies’ Man ARE YOU?” These four guys started giving each other grief about who’s going to score the highest and before you know it, they’re writing out their answers and the basketball game had been forgotten.
The questions were pretty typical stuff like “How many sexual partners have you had?” Their answers ranged from 4 (my boyfriend) to 6 to 10 to 100+ (which caused some coughs that sounded a lot like “bullshit!”). But that guy WAS a major hound dog.
All four of them are pretty much tied coming into the final question–“What are the labia minora?”
There’s some hemming. And some hawing. Mr. 100+ says, “I know what they ARE but I’m not going to say because y’all don’t know.” My boyfriend pipes up, “I know what they are too!” The other two chime in but it’s a standoff–no one wants to answer the question and reveal the answer to the others. Or worse, reveal that he has no earthly idea.
Finally, my boyfriend stammers, “It’s a constellation….right?”
And the others answered, “YES!”
If you don’t understand why this story is funny, Google it, but not while you are at work.