I think this baby looks like Prince George…except for the belly hanging out and the Sears photo studio backdrop. And that backdrop looks like it’s covered in dog hair, right?
Saturday Snort–Ain’t No Party Like a NASA Party
1 Reply
Tag Archives: humor
Saturday Snort–Shockingly Bad Jokes
This fellow is called “Bad Joke Eel.” Here are a few examples of how he earned that name:
I hope these have you ‘eeling happy!
Saturday Snort–Unfortunate Cookie
Well, this seems terribly specific:
Biscuits
Vivi and I were clowning around in the parking lot at Lowe’s the other day.
“I love you, Mommy.”
“I love you more.”
“I love you the most in the universe.”
“I love you all of that, plus one.”
“I love you eleventy fifty zillion billion more much.”
“I love you all of that, plus one.”
“I love you more than mac and cheese.”
“I love you more than butter…but a little bit less than biscuits.”
A grandmother, loading flats of zinnias into her car, had been listening to us and smiling. When she heard about the biscuits, she hooted with laughter. She giggled, “Imma have to get that on a t-shirt.”
Saturday Snort–What the Alarm Said
One time, I was teaching a 7:30 a.m class in a portable trailer classroom. Typically, Security would turn off the alarm system on their early morning rounds. But on that day, when I arrived at 7:00 a.m. and opened the door with my key, the alarm began to shriek. BLAP! BLAP! BLAP! BLAP! BLAP!
No worries. I picked up the phone and called Security.
“Hey. This is Ashley. I’m down here in the trailer and the alarm is going off. Can you tell me the code to disable it?”
The security officer said, “OK, ma’am. What’s the alarm saying?”
I paused for a second. What a dumb question, right?
I said, “It’s saying BLAP! BLAP! BLAP! BLAP! BLAP! Can’t you hear it?”
The officer chuckled and said, “I mean, what’s the error code on the alarm?”
Ohhhhhhhh….
Pooh Has a Potty Mouth
For at least 20 years, this has been my favorite quote from Winnie the Pooh:
but after the last few days, I’m kind of leaning towards this one…
Daddy Did My Hair
Vivi has a riotous head of fine, curly hair. It can get a little bit snarled up while she sleeps. My sister dubbed her “Sideshow Bob” one morning when we went to New York:
A few months back, I wrote about the magical silliness that happened when Daddy Went to the Grocery Store. This time, he went to the beauty supply aisle. God help us all. Here’s what happened…
G is convinced that Vivi’s hair will remain silky through the night if she sleeps in a sleeping cap. Remember those? I sure do. My Grandmama Eunice wore one every night to keep her hair fixed. I was thinking of something like this:
Granted, the pink one is pretty grandmotherly–that’s too prim and fussy for a first grader. But I know they make sleeping caps for kids too, something cute and practical like this:
That’s what I thought we were talking about when he said he had picked up a sleeping cap for Vivi while he was at Kroger.
I didn’t really expect this:
What…was she robbing a 7-11 and stopped to take a nap?
It reminds me of that scene in Raising Arizona:
The one when Hi robs the convenience store and Ed gets so mad she drives off so he has to carjack some old man who says, “Son? You got a panty on your head.”
Tonight, she told me it’s comfortable, so she wants to sleep in it. But she thought it was a little plain, so she duded it up with some St. Patrick’s Day leftovers:
There you go.