Some Big Gay Advice

It’s been kinda quiet here at Baddest Mother Ever lately. Not quiet in my life. Not quiet in the world. Just quiet in this space because I ran into a wall of fear.

2013 - 1the world needsMy fairy stepmother, Big Gay, called this weekend. We’re gearing up for Big Gay Christmas, so there’s lots to be done. After she got the list of suggestions for presents for the kids, and reviewed the menu for standing rib roast, she said, “Ayshley (you have to say it with the extra vowel and a little touch of cigarette smoke to get the full effect), your Daddy and I adore your blog. You have such a gift.” I thanked her quickly but she was not to be deterred.

“We used to get something new to read every day–lately we’re lucky to get a story once a week. What’s up with that?” I know she was teasing me, but she was making a point too. That woman knows me. And she knows when something is up.

“I’m in a rut. I feel like I talk about the same stuff over and over and I figure people are getting bored with that. It just seems like blah blah blah blah nobody cares. I’m afraid to mess it up and I’m afraid to not write. I’m just stuck.”

And that’s when she doled out some Big Gay Advice.

“You’re going to need to get the fuck over that.”

Big Gay does not find Bunny's perching trick funny.

Big Gay does not find Bunny’s perching trick funny.

She collects antique English porcelain and has a little Italian Greyhound named Bunny. She grows antique roses and peonies as big as a dinner plate. She’s in the garden club and the book club. She’s elegant and smart and lovely.

And right.

Sometimes you just need to get the fuck over yourself.

I’m in such an over-analyzing mode lately that now I’m wondering if I’ll lose readers just because I said fuck. Several times. Or if I talk too much about my goofy brain.

Whatever. I’m going to choose to get the fuck over that.

Big Gay and I talked a while longer but I had to get off the phone to see who was yelling at whom back in the house. I took a shower and when I checked my phone a half hour later, I saw a missed call from Big Gay.

“Hey, did you need something else?”

“I did, sweetheart. I had another thought. Your writing HELPS people. It makes us think, ‘Well, I guess I’m not so weird after all.'”

“Thank you for saying that. That’s what I want to do.”

“But, Ayshley–what I realized is this. It can do the same thing for you. When you write, you’re not alone either.”

So here I am–telling another story about how sometimes I forget that telling stories is important–even if your parents are the only ones reading. Even if the story has been told again and again, like the one about the Christmas when Daddy gave Big Gay an industrial meat slicer. Or the story about the time we were picking on Little Gay about being  a bad driver and she stormed out of the house and ran over the cat. That time when Brett got pulled over by the cops for stealing her own car. Or when Daddy got emotional asking the blessing and toddler Grant whispered loudly, “Pop Pop’s cryin’ like a baby!”

Yeah, I think I’m over it. Thanks, Big Gay. I got you that heavy duty garden hose you asked for for Christmas. You are so good at making things grow.

32 thoughts on “Some Big Gay Advice

  1. Genie Smith Bernstein

    As one of your avid readers, Ayshley (I can hear it), I don’t hold up my end of our relationship by giving you feedback. Your blogs, every single one of them, makes me think and grow, laugh and/or get all misty-eyed. Before I die I want to at least once drop an eff bomb, and after this blog I’m gonna be looking for the perfect opportunity. Merry Christmas!

    1. Baddest Mother Ever Post author

      I do that thing in my head where I assume that EVERYONE else has all this figured out and I am the only one struggling!

  2. Holly Parker

    Ashley, I ALWAYS look forward to reading your stories. I’ve missed you but assumed you were tied up with the Christmas rush. You said something so profound in one of your blogs that it changed my life. I want to share it with you some day. Don’t ever stop writing!

  3. Michelle

    I read “It’s All One Life” and “Cookin’ Fancy at KMart” aloud to my mom over the phone the other day. The first made her throat catch and the second left her in stitches. Both pieces made her comment that you are a fantastic writer. Both resonated with her but in different ways. Your writing spans the spectrum of human experience and emotion; your willingness to share your stories is what makes your writing real.

  4. Michelle

    Please do keep writing! I’ve been missing my BME lately.
    I wsnt to hear more about Carlos’s progress and G’s lost in translation moments.
    Your posts about everyday life and motherhood are my favorites!

      1. Michelle Golden

        I’ve been lurking, though not commenting. 🙂
        Toddler + nearly complete dissertation + 2 jobs = petunias. I mean, no time or brain power left. 😉

    1. Baddest Mother Ever Post author

      You do know that, in order to distinguish among the Beths in our lives, we refer to you as “Celebrity Beth?” Yeah, get the fuck over yourself, but wait until you’re off camera!

  5. Joni cotton

    Good advice, and please keep on writing often! It makes us think, laugh and cry! You know yourself that you don’t tire of something written well, it hooks you with that alone! Daily would be nice!

    1. Baddest Mother Ever Post author

      If I try to write daily, I will eventually tell the story about you and Lorenzo Lamas! That’s one of my favorites ever.

  6. HeidiC

    Ashley, I find your writing to be just right at the right time. You write the way I wish I could and you have a perspective that is smart, funny, thoughtful, endearing… the list goes on and on. Thank you for putting your thoughts out there for us to read.

  7. Annette Mitchell

    One of your best Cuz. I can hear Big Gay giving you some spicy advice. She is great and a great addition to our family. Now that you have your mojo back keep up the good work. This is great.

  8. Chris Antenen

    Oh, yes, I want to leave a comment. I could be amazed that you can write every day, but I’m not. I agree with all the comments, especially the one that says your writing makes us ‘think, laugh, or cry.’. I’ve gone back more than a few times to re-read one of your posts. The girl has a way with words..

    As for the ‘F’ bomb, the first time I said it was on the phone to one of my children. I thought that child was going to die right there laughing.

    Merry Christmas

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