I spent three hours in a free-Moscato-sample-fueled haze at the BlogHer conference Expo on Thursday night. It was a star-studded affair. The Pillsbury Dough Boy was there. I got a picture taken with him and resisted poking him in the belly. I met THE Dr. Boudreaux of Boudreaux’s Butt Paste fame. I KNOW, RIGHT???? I said, “I’ve been putting you on my babies’ butts for six years!” I’m sure he’s used to that kind of outburst.
The glamour got to be overwhelming. HERE! Try our fish sticks! How about a sample of make your own soda? Do you back up with Carbonite? Would you like some free leopard print press on nails? Have you ever tried a mochachocalattefrappesmoothie made in our high-speed blender? Do you have heavy periods—sing karaoke in our booth! Try more wine! This frozen meal has less salt than an African elephant! More wine? Have a pedometer, compliments of Coke because we are all about FITNESS! Tapioca pudding? Tweet us and get a free Mojito Madness nail polish! Did you know Best Buy sells hair care products? These cookies brought to you by Land o Lakes!
I flirted with the sexy chefs from Lean Cuisine who were passing out champagne. I spoke earnestly with the women from St. Jude’s. I showed baby photos to the guy from wemontage, which prints your pictures onto removable wallpaper…cool! I schlepped and schmoozed and schvitzed.
Then I crashed.
I lurched back to the serenity of my hotel room only to find that Steve Harvey and the makers of Windex had crept in while I was out to leave me a little sumpin sumpin on the bed. Brown-chicken-brown-cow! (If you sing that, it makes that porny music sound….bow chicka wow wow)
Here are a few of my favorite WTF moments from the schwag fest:
Coffee mugs, coconut water, bleach tablets, books, grocery totes, skin care products, nail polish…now I know why there is a FedEx office in the hotel. To ship all this crap home!