Y’all. I need to talk about something and I don’t know if it’s to vent or moan or ask for help or what. But I swear it’s cracking me, and not in a good way.

Trying to be a mom with a job…can we talk about that?

I got to work yesterday and had just hit my groove when my phone rang. It was Vivi’s teacher. He was worried about her because her entire upper arm was bright red. He even texted me a picture. She had a weird red virus a few months ago, so we were both worried that it was that again. I dropped everything and went over to her school with her special eczema lotion. By the time I got there, she was on the playground at recess. Her arm wasn’t even PINK. Child had just been scratching to scratch in class. I put a little cream on it and got back to work just in time for four hours of back to back meetings.

So today. I dropped Carlos off at daycare. He was in a delightful mood. When I left him on the playground, he was gleefully waiting in line for the swing. He blew kisses. My step was light as I walked to the car because I knew my boy was happy.

An hour later, I’m at my desk and gettin’ ish DONE. Phone rings–daycare director. She’s calling because Carlos pitched such a fit that included hitting his friends, his teacher and banging his head into the wall. She put him on the phone and his little angelic voice chirps, “Hi, Mommy! I calm down now.” I proceeded to talk to him about making good choices and being kind to his friends and never using his hands on other people. “OK, Mommy.” I told him to apologize to his teacher and friends.

Back to work….and the phone rings a few hours later. Carlos has become so disruptive that the day care is asking me to take him home for the day. I totally understand. Drop everything, go pick him up. But by the time I get there, he’s sitting in the office, BEAMING at me. “Hi, Mommy!”

He points to my I.D. badge and says, “What’s dis?” I said, “That’s my badge from work–where I’m supposed to be right now but I’m here to find out why you’ve been kicking your friends.”

Here’s what’s making me nuts–he doesn’t do the behavior in front of me. He’ll pitch a fit at home and I deal with it. But when I get a call about behavior that has already happened, I can’t punish him for it. I can’t even talk to him about the specifics of how it started, how he could have made it go differently, etc.

I am losing my mind over this Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde junk. Some days, he’s fine. Others, he loses it. We thought it was triggered by his transition from one school program to daycare. Then that got better…then it got worse…then it got better. Some days it’s at nap time, some days it’s music time. Some days he sleeps fine and others he comes home singing little songs about a shark.

I feel helpless on days like today. I need to work and I need my son to be OK and I need to know what’s going on in his head and I need to let him grow out of this.

Anyway…he’s not a bad egg. But I’m cracking up.