Hi, Excuse Me…You Sound Like an Ass.


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I am just about ready to jerk a knot in some jerks around Facebook. What happened to being NICE? Or just shutting the hell UP? I’m not even talking about posts about touchy subjects–I’m talking about things that are personal celebrations that get shat upon by people who cannot resist sounding like an ass.

For example, a friend who really loves Halloween shares an adorable picture of her inflatable Frankenstein’s Monster and a super spooky giggling ghost with the caption, “Halloween decorations are up!”

First Commentor:  It’s not October yet.

Original Poster:  I know, and I’m already seeing Xmas commercials on television.

Commentor:  Time to quit watching television. I do my Christmas shopping locally in December.

Well, pin a rose on you! Everyone stand up and clap for this person who remains seasonally chaste, has eschewed television, AND shops locally.

Hey, Gwyneth? You sound like an ass.

donkey baseballTonight’s example. My friend posts a sweet video of her adorable daughter getting her first hit in softball. This child has played a whole season and never connected with the ball. She has stayed with it and never given up on herself. Tonight, she felt the crack of the bat and her mom caught it on video and it was a lovely, lovely moment.

Until some jackwagon comments:

“Are you sure it was scored as a hit or as an error? Looks like second base bobbled the ball and missed the throw.”

Hey, Ty Cobb? You sound like an ass.

I ignored those two and kept my mouth shut…because I didn’t want to sound like an ass, right? But one happened last week that made me set down my manners and straight up call out a stranger.

My friend’s son was murdered fourteen years ago by a burglar who was robbing their house. This golden-haired boy will always be a teenager, even as his friends turn 30. My friend posted a meme last week that mocked the laxity of laws governing gun shows. I don’t care what you think about the 2nd amendment–you treat the mother of a murdered boy with some KINDNESS.

The first comment? A person–a friend of hers who KNOWS HER HISTORY–said, “Lies. Damned Lies!” When she disagreed with him, he badgered her about “changing the subject” and “not admitting he was right.” On and on and ON.

That was when I lost my cool. I said, “I think M******* gets to say whatever the hell she wants about gun control and the rest of us can either nod our heads or shut up and move along. I’ll be standing over here with the “Parents Who Haven’t Had a Child Murdered With a Gun” support group. I believe the podium is currently occupied by “Mother Who HAS Had a Child Murdered With a Gun” so you speak your piece as long as you want. And I will be glad to loan this C***** person a copy of “How to Disagree With People Without Sounding Like a Total Ass.”

Dude thanked me for “chiming in.” Oh. Hell. NO. If I had been Aunt Esther, I would have hit him with my purse. He got a Talkin’ To.

And he withdrew his original comment with an explanation but no apology. Then he shut the hell up.

Hi, Charlton Heston? You sound like an ass.

Yes, Facebook is a place where people come together and whenever we come together we will find our opinions differ on some things that matter. And sometimes that matters and sometimes it doesn’t. As my grandmother would say, “There’s a time and a place for everything.” Guess what…a mom celebrating her daughter’s achievement is NOT the place for asking for a review of the tape. If you don’t agree with Halloween decorations in September, don’t put them up, but please don’t piss on Frankenstein’s Monster.

And if you have something to say about guns to a mother who held her child as he died from a gunshot wound, it better be, “I am so sorry for your loss.”

eeyoreBe ye kind to one another. Don’t make me stop this internet and come back there.

58 thoughts on “Hi, Excuse Me…You Sound Like an Ass.

  1. Karen Tatum

    Very timely post as I was just “yelled” at in all caps that TWO PARENTS ARE BETTER when I tired to politely point out to a FB commenter that all the violent thugs and abusers in the world cannot be blamed on single parents and that in fact married couples in which one is abusive might actually be part of the problem, too. It is taking all I have not to go on a rant, but arguing with ignorance can be so thankless. I think I will just let all caps man show his ass.

    1. Dan Davis

      Well said Karen, those people who “yell” with caps are also annoying because they lack the vocabulary to express their point of view in a civil manner. As are the ones who use their monthly quota of exclamation points and question marks in one paragraph. My HS English teacher Ms. Larson would smote those people with her red pencil!

  2. Julie

    Agree, FB and other social media are not the place to “say” things without thinking. In fact, it takes more of a jerk to actual type something and then stop and think that something might be hurtful or even inappropriate.

  3. Terri

    Word. People can be such jerks. I’m pretty sure I’d have ripped into that guy, too. And Eeyore is brilliant as usual. 🙂

  4. Dan Davis

    Almost everyone on Facebook exhibits some level of Narcissistic personality disorder. Fortunately for most it only rises to the level of being annoying. On the other hand there are a few Bookfacers out there who are annoying pompous narcissistic asses who have little regard for the feelings of others. It’s a good thing it’s referred to as “social” media otherwise it might be worse.

      1. Dan Davis

        I actually do encounter many people in real life who spew and choose their words poorly. It’s kind of a hazard of the job and unlike our bullet resistant vests, they haven’t issued our spew armor yet…

  5. Allison

    “Almost everyone on Facebook exhibits some level of Narcissistic personality disorder. ”
    I think I’ll have to go sit in a corner and think about that one. Probably shouldn’t take my smartphone with me.

  6. Lisa in Athens

    I don’t know the other posts (my sympathy to the horrible loss) but I do know the softball hit one and I felt the same way about the “how was this scored?” comment. Ugh.

  7. tanyadiva

    While we gain a lot being in touch with friends and family on Facebook, we lose much, too. I’ve had people post nasty things on my wall, and frankly, I will delete the conversation rather than have it there to piss me off. Like, I’ll post some music I like and I get a “That’s crap!” response. I have friends from all walks of life who like all different things. I won’t shit on their preferences, even if I don’t share them. Why shit on mine?

    1. WordPress.com Support

      Exactly! Even if my input is solicited, I would say, “that song isn’t for me” or “I don’t like their early stuff” instead of “That’s crap!”

  8. Dan Davis

    Wouldn’t it be great if Facebook came up with a filter system, and category’s of contacts. The stark reality of the “friends ” is that of those 500 + “friends ” on FB only about 10-15 are true friends that actually care about you, your children, and your experiences. The rest are casual friends, frenemys, acquaintances, people who liked your profile photo. If they would allow you to categorize your contacts and limit comments on your posts to your real friends, it would eliminate a ton of asinine comments. They will always think it you just won’t be subjected to it.

    1. WordPress.com Support

      Have you experimented with the Acquaintance setting in FB? I haven’t yet, but I know some who use that to filter out the peepers.

      1. Dan Davis

        And the creepers. I’ll have to check that setting. We all need to keep in mind that we are not required to accept friend requests and we have the option of deleting “friends ” aka asses.

  9. debrahelwig

    I made a Facebook post the other day, expressing my opinion on a subject – and then a handful of folks I know totally jacked up what I said and not only disagreed with me (which is OK) but made me feel small and stupid for saying what I said (which is not OK). I actually decided at that point I’m not posting much on Facebook anymore. People are way too concerned with making themselves feel superior and have truly stopped caring about CARING for the people who are their “Friends”. *sigh*

  10. alexandra

    I unfollowed someone I knew. They followed me b/c they read my blog. So I accepted their friend request, but then everything I post became a fight to them. So I hit them with my purse aka defriend button.

  11. rebeccaebangs

    Sure would be nice if folks liked spreading kindness more than opinions. Sounds like a little “un-friending” is in order. The nice thing is, your supposed friend does not get a notice when you unfriend them. Ask me how I know this… 😉

  12. Laurinda Murphy Norris

    Once again, you have proved your genius in capturing what so many of us would love to be able to say with half your eloquence. People have reached new heights of rudeness, and fb seems to be a favorite place to prove that. I saw a post similar to the gun story, except it was attacking the family of a recent suicide victim on her child’s page, saying it was a shame her family didn’t love and care for her. Nothing could have been more false. The commenter was soundly throttled, and deserved every word hurled at him. I must confess to doing some hurling myself. People must have a miserable life if they think they enhance their stature by attacking in examples such as the ones you mentioned. I am sharing this amazing post. Thank you, thank you, thank you.


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