Pecked to Death By Chickens

Look, I know I’m lucky to live the life I do.  I KNOW.  Tonight, I had to change channels away from the news before Vivi saw a picture of a child killed by poison gas in Syria.  I flipped to local news where she saw coverage of the school hostage situation near Atlanta.  Nope.  A quick punch of the remote and there’s Johnny Depp as Barnabas Collins with his fangs hanging out.  I know, I know.

Then my mom guilt kicked in that I wasn’t spending 5pm-7pm doing a craft project from Pinterest with my adorable children while a healthy, balanced, organic, free range, fair trade, non-GMO, locally sourced meal from Gwyneth Paltrow’s cookbook simmered in our solar crockpot.   Nope, G was heading to pick up pizza.  Non-organic pizza because we had a coupon, dammit.  And we ate it off of Sonic the Hedgehog paper plates left over from a birthday party.


Evil Chicken

Evil Chicken

I know we are lucky to have money for pizza, a roof over our heads, birthday party paper plates, and a TV.  Still, today has left me spluttering.  I saw a sign once that said, “Raising children is like being pecked to death by chickens.”  It’ll kill you, but it takes a good long while.

Top Five Stupid Things That Are Eating At Me:

  1. Every surface in this house is covered in paper clutter, dog hair or crayon marks.
  2. There are five trucks on my kitchen floor.  I have to shuffle through a parking lot to not cook dinner.
  3. My son thinks that he is a siren.  He has been shrieking “WEEEEEE OH WEEEEEE OH WEEEEEE OH” for 48 hours.  Then he pauses, holds up his toy and whispers, “Fire truck.”
  4. Someone dragged sand box toys across the den and onto the sofa.  And you know what the secret prize is inside of sand box toys?  Sand.
  5. It’s always my stuff that gets broken.  This week alone:  a vase I’ve had for 15 years, some glasses that Richard loved, the finish on the dining table, and the lid to the pine toy box that my Daddy made from boards rescued from the ruins of my great-grandfather’s house.   Oh, and my spirit. That, too.

I know that in a couple of days I’ll be back in the ring and swinging.  Today, not so much.

Top Five Things That Kept Me Going Tonight:

  1. Carlos discovered the “Radio On” button on my alarm clock.  He pressed it and said, “DANCE!”  I started dancing.  He turned it off and I froze.  We did this for the entirety of “Mojo Rising.”  He just about forgot how to breathe he was laughing so hard.
  2. My friend Sara had a dead battery.  I dropped the plans I was making for not making dinner and went to help her.  I applied jumper cables successfully for the first time in my life.  A sweet boy in a Chi Omega formal shirt asked if we needed help then stood back and watched us manage fine.
  3. When we were watching Jeopardy, Vivi got a question right (Category:  Disney Villains) and she was soooo proud of herself.
  4. After bath time, I read “The Very Busy Spider” twice then snuggled Carlos for so long that the sleeve of my shirt was wet from his hair.
  5. This picture that Vivi drew at the YMCA:
"All Shall Be Loved"

“All Shall Be Loved”

All Shall Be Loved.

And I live to fight another day.  Back to the trenches!  

38 thoughts on “Pecked to Death By Chickens

  1. Virginia Wilcox

    You sum up my feelings exactly…the other day I had a research meeting at Wesleyan and I was running too late to drop the girls off at the gym so…they went with me. 1/3 of the way through the meeting it started pouring rain. One of the ladies looked out the window of Taylor Hall and said…isn’t that your daughter running in the rain? Sure enough, Georgia-sock feeted-was sprinting around the outside of the building. I sent Teresa to get her thinking she’d stand at the door and yell at her to come in the next time she circled…no she began circling after her but she ran through the building after each circle leaving wet puddles through the middle of the building…I finally snagged them both and sat them in my office soaking wet and shivering. Got home to tell Tripp about it and wondered was I so upset because they were running in the rain or because I couldn’t?

  2. stephrogers

    Oh thank you for this! I am laughing so hard! I too have served up a dinner I didn’t cook in an organic solar crock pot. My 2yr old recently got a new sand pit (with ALL the sand) and my 7year old is playing with bey blades, they are everywhere. Oh and my 9 year old has taken to trying to wear make up everywhere. When I turn my back she is lathering on the eye shadow (iridescent blue, why do they always go for blue?)

      1. stephrogers

        Oh don’t get me started on the perfume that is being worn at migraine-induction level. Who gave her that for Christmas? I need to think up a suitable gift for their kid for this year

  3. Michelle

    Haha. Thanks for the morning chuckles, it is amazing how the tiny things make things seem so big … but then something as simple as a drawing or dancing a jig can just make the troubles of the world melt away.

  4. AmyB

    I needed to hear that yours is the only stuff that gets broken! Thank you for that and the laughs. I thought it was just me: The good towels (the only 2 we have) that get used to clean up motorcycle grease spills, the bleach speckled kitchen hand towels (how did that happen we don’t even have bleach in the kitchen), the bucket of missing cleaning supplies that got tossed into that same place of oblivion where all the missing dryer socks go – just so that he could use the bucket (again for probably something motorcycle related task)…but you’re right – life is good and at least now I know I can add “solar crock pot” to my Christmas list because having to buy that would drive my mother in law insane!!

  5. MojosWork

    Think of all the broken stuff – spirit included! – as decluttering. I’m in the midst of a move, and I have way too much crap that I can’t justify chucking because it’s “still good.” I’d love to break some stuff.

    Then again, what do I know about sentimentality and the preservation of acquired things? I just got yelled at for ALMOST scratching a cabinet the wife had since she was born. She was not feeling my “it’s rustic” comment.

  6. dmswriter

    Funny, but when our kids were 3 and 5, my grandma told me that I was living my golden years. I puzzled over that one, because when our daughter was shoving Legos into everyone’s shoes and spitting on the windows, I didn’t see how that was golden. Now that they’re almost out of the house, grandma was right – those were the golden years! Moms know that, though. 🙂

  7. Kitt Crescendo

    Stopped by from Susie’s blog. I have to say, loved the dance/stop thing. My husband has done that for me on occasion and we’ve laughed our bon-bons off. (Wish I could use the child excuse)

  8. Brett

    well..having three boys and a husband, i can relate to the chaos and chicken pecking. Let’s see..I have a dog that’s in heat. NOT one but TWO teenagers in the house that are SURE i’m a complete idiot. Perhaps they’re right, but that’s beside the point. Now, since i live with four men.. i thought i had experienced EVERY smell and bodily function odor possible. My husband brings home a kitten. A two lbs. ball of fur that peels the paint off the walls when using the litter box. No wonder they cover it up. While in the kitchen preparing the pre-snack dinner, before dinner, dinner.. (teenage boys) i hear a horrible crash behind me. Turn around to see a huge variegated begonia that my green thumb of a Mother gave me…sliced in two. The entire middle of the huge plant is gone. What happened you ask? It’s called BASEBALL.. and it NEVER stops. Now of course we’ve mentioned that you shouldn’t play baseball in the house. SO…on the way to the chicken house, and i kid you not…i’m going down to talk to the chickens to re-gain some level of sanity…. I think. 1. I have THREE boys that are healthy and happy. I’m quite sure they behave most of the time and whatever they are getting into..isn’t even close to what i was doing at their age. 2. I have a really wonderful (and good looking) husband that has stuck with me through sick and sin. And i do mean i have taken that man for a ride. 3. I have parents that have loved/supported me unconditionally (ok.. a mom and step-dad) through sick and sin. And i do mean i have taken them for a ride. 3. I have siblings that have accepted me as who and what i am.. despite the fact i have tattoos. 4. My dog thinks i’m the shit. 5. Life is good and i have three years on Aug. 27th of sobriety. wow.

  9. susielindau

    I love it! If it is any consolation, it will eventually become a blur. Oh. And these are The Good Old Days! Times are simple and you knopw where your children are… 🙂
    Thanks for bringing it to the party! Have fun meeting the other guests and clicking on links!

    1. Baddest Mother Ever

      I love this linkup idea! I hadn’t been able to figure out how to host one without a lot of work on my part (and THAT’S clearly not an option). I like your format and might just try it tomorrow!

  10. Anonymous (do you blame me?)

    My husband (the idiot!) locked my 18 month old in the car, in his car seat, at the dry cleaners. They played peek-a-boo until the locksmith arrived to unlock the car. BEFORE YOU JUDGE….. My baby is worth $110. My husband? Not so much.
    That was 21 years ago. Some things just get funny with time.

  11. Pingback: Friday Freebie – Now Even Smoother! | Baddest Mother Ever

  12. Laura Ehlers

    Love hearing about the trials of your home with small kiddos. It has been a while since ours were that small – both are adults now. And both are at home. It is like living in a house with four adult roommates. No firetruck noises (unless it is a real one, and thankfully not that!) but plenty of “Hey, you gotta see this..” video, news article, movie. Usually this request comes in about the time I am trying to go to bed and I have to check it out because it is like story time used to be except WAY more disturbing. So really, nothing has changed much except for the enormouse size of the shoes by the front door and the fact that once in a while one of the ‘kids’ picks up the pizza!
    Hang in there Mother!!

  13. mariner2mother

    Popped over from Susie’s party- I know I’m late, but you know how it is when you have kids. Anyway, I just loved this story and can sooooo relate. And I’ve only got one (kid)! But he’s as much work as 2 or 3, depending on those 2 or 3. Looking forward to reading more!


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