Big Girl Panties

Objects on blog may appear smaller in real life.

Objects on blog may appear smaller in real life.

I am hesitant to write ANOTHER post about panties–even though the one about walking out of your panties has been my most popular to date!–but here goes.  Well, this is hard to talk about but I hear that it happens in a lot of mixed marriages–when NORMAL people marry Brasilians…

OK, no more stalling…

The cleaning lady keeps mixing up my panties with G’s underwear.  

I frankly don’t know which of us should be more offended.  We have to unstack the stacks and sort them again after she leaves.  Maybe it’s a vision problem, you say?  Could be.  But I think there’s more to it.

About once a year, G’s mother sends him a package from Brasil and invariably, it contains a few pair of…sultry Latin undergarments for the modern man on the go.  I guess over our years together, through attrition and acts of God, the ratio of sultry Latin undergarments to normal underwear has grown disproportionate.  Then you have to throw in the fact that, along the same time line, I discovered maternity underwear and the forgiving nature of cotton.  As his underwear got smaller, mine…didn’t.

Well.  We could maybe make a graph that shows how the accumulation of sultry Latin undergarments versus the accumulation of voluminous panties has culminated in this laundry catastrophe.  But I’m not sure how to set that up in Excel.

Truth is, I think it’s time.  I plan to get back to the healthy weight that I was when I was running and eating cleaner.  But until then, I think it’s time for me to go buy new panties and I’ve just got to get over the fact that they’re not going to be in the size they were before I had a baby at 42.  But I deserve some big, girl panties.  I don’t need to be bound, twisted, bunched, pinched, itched, and constricted on a daily basis.  And maybe the cleaning lady will be able to tell the difference between mine and his.  I wonder if they have Hello Kitty in my size?

19 thoughts on “Big Girl Panties

  1. Anonymous (do you blame me?)

    Recently I purchased new underpants. Upon seeing them my husband inquired, “Is that new underwear? Or are you expecting an assassination attempt?” Bless his heart!

  2. kwaterbury

    Hahaha I love this post. My mom & I were just having a conversation along similar lines of your statement, “But I deserve some big, girl panties. I don’t need to be bound, twisted, bunched, pinched, itched, and constricted on a daily basis.” We couldn’t agree more…Think it’s time for me to go shopping. 🙂 Glad to know we’re not alone out there! Hopefully your cleaning lady will be able to tell the difference. Good luck 😉

  3. T. Greenfield

    Raising 2 young boys at 45…all undergarments and jammies are now based on who might catch me in a state of undress. Funny enough, they can walk in on me completely naked and all they want to know is if we are REALLY out of waffles. After everything I have gone through raising kids and taking care of my family, I am loving my Hanes…Her Way.

      1. Tracy Ward Tilley

        Elizabeth opened the shower curtain when I was taking a shower and asked if I knew that I had bumps on my butt. I felt the need to go into a long sermon about cellulite but she didn’t care. She just wanted to be sure I knew about it. I explained that I was, in fact, AWARE! And, why can’t I just take a shower in private? Just me and my cellulite. What’s wrong with THAT?

  4. Laura Ehlers

    You go out and get yourself from fancy big girl undies. I recommend ones that lace up the front or at least on the sides thus preventing or at least delaying the inevitable walk out of them!!!

  5. Tara

    If no one finds any, I’m thinking BME may have to branch out… could have and sell all the kinds that the little ones have but for us “big” girls. I love it. I would like some Olivia ones please. 🙂


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